Jan. 2nd, 2026

doodlemancy: a drawing of myself i use as my avatar (Default)
my mail-order pharmacy pushed back the expected fill date for my ADHD meds like 4 times in a row since the week before Christmas. i avoided dealing with it until today, (i have basically just been getting by with coffee. it hasn't been great.) partly because i am tired and experiencing the symptoms of several of the other million things that are wrong with me and it's seasonal depression miasma time and so on and partly because every single time i have to get on the phone and deal with this there's a 75% chance i end up spending the rest of my day in a rage or crying or both.

today i called all the places that usually have it. every tech i spoke to was exasperated because the manufacturer had been jerking them around for a while on actually shipping the medicine they ordered. then i called my clinic. they pointed me to a help line for my CCO where they can search up the pharmacies most likely to have it in stock. then i found out not a single pharmacy within my nearly 200,000 person city had my dosage in stock. it is the most common fucking dosage.

alternative medications are a problem for me because i have Basically PTSD from a bad encounter with a bad prescription once. generics are no help because all the generics for vyvanse are useless (and mostly just make me feel sick). i can't drive, so i can't just go hunting out of town. i'm basically just turbo fucked. the only good news is i'm apparently next in the queue, IF Takeda Pharmaceuticals deigns to ship any more vyvanse to my pharmacy any time this century.

i'm sick of this. i'm sick of having to do everyone's work for them, ALWAYS when it's down to the wire and/or i'm unmedicated, because everyone is more terrified of me becoming a drug abuser than they are of me becoming DEAD because i absent mindedly wandered in front of a car or something. sick of having to shout GET ME A FUCKING HUMAN at phone robots over and over and over until they comply. sick of going weeks unmedicated, grouchy and exhausted for no good reason. i lived 26 years thinking i was just lazy and unproductive and good for fucking nothing, i got on some meds that changed everything, and now i find out that the real lazy, unproductive good-for-nothings are the people that PRODUCE THE FUCKING MEDS.

i know the DEA is also at fault for some of this and fuck them too, but Takeda is clearly just fucking around right now. this might sound childish, but i think that if you do bad things to me, it is you who should experience the consequences, instead of me. and also maybe i should be paid fairly for my work ($9000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 per minute on the phone is all im asking)

i swear to god i'm going to start invoicing people once i am done crying

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