my power grows

so it's tuesday. i had an endoscopic carpal tunnel release surgery last wednesday and this is basically how things have gone:

WEDNESDAY
• silly
• hand so swollen i could not move it, despite proper elevation and icing
• watched DnD: Honor Among Thieves and several episodes of Sailor Moon
• very proud of myself for figuring out how to do a lot of things without my right hand (see previous entry)
• believed fully that i would probs be totally fine the next day (hilarious)

THURSDAY
• woke up feelin GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• therapy!!!
• friend over for weekly anime day! so energized! hi friend!!!!!!
• 2 hours into anime: oh god sleepby
• microslept several times during anime. im shocked i did not fully just pass out
• went to bed at 7 PM and slept until like 4:30 AM lmfao

FRIDAY
• dial-up noises in brain all day
• straight up just unable to think. it was very annoying. it turns out that while i don't have any serious adverse reactions to general anesthesia i do get very fucking loopy for a while, and i just hadn't noticed because Party Mode hadn't worn off yet
• ate 4 baked potatoes for dinner. literally just. 4 of them. i guess when your body is sending all its resources to heal something kinda important you get really fucking hungy. for potatos.............
• stopped needing as many pain meds!!! yaey
• The Bruise (normal reaction to getting knifed in the hand; just upsetting) crept up past my bandage and i nearly had a heart attack
• panic attacks (but it was fine)
 

SATURDAY
• too much of a wuss to take off the bandage
• recovered enough brain to play The Sims
• PANIC ATTACK :) but it was fine
• extremely restless but too stupid to be effective at anything
• drew a little
• made a PBJ sandwich (VERY DIFFICULT with a loose plastic food prep glove over your silly, feeble, bandaged dominant hand)
• wanted hamburger helper for dinner but i can't prepare raw meat stuff rn due to the Situation, so i just had... Helper

SUNDAY
• took off bandage to replace with waterproof bandaid. did not faint but man my shit looked gnarly. had to wear a compression glove over it for a while until i was ok with it though
• tried to draw but it felt like my pinky was trying to clip through the rest of my hand so i stopped lmfao
• started kinda having thoughts again
• PANIC ATTACK :))))) BUT IT WAS FINE
• sort of using forks and spoons again lmfao. SORT OF

MONDAY
• THINKING BACK
• DRAWING BACK (SORT OF)
• played a little bit with Blender because when i'm unwell i have lower mental barriers to doing something Silly
• did not have a panic attack

TUESDAY (TODAY!!)
• I PLAYED FIELDS OF MISTRIA FOR AN HOUR WITHOUT ANY PAINKILLERS IN MY SYSTEM AND IT WAS FINE
• hand feeble and mildly sore now but not screaming
• WOW

im getting some shooting pains at the elbow and shoulder, still, now that i'm not 24/7 drugged, and i do worry i could still be a victim of CTS masking an additional thing (cubital tunnel syndrome) which is very common but.

a. it takes at least 2 months for CTS symptoms to fully go away after surgery. elbow and shoulder pain are CTS symptoms too. it's not guaranteed that it's a double crush.

b. i have a doctor now who is good and believes things i say AND does not hate when i know stuff, so like, even if it does turn out 2 months from now that i'm still a bit fucked up, i can go back and solve it. it will suck. i will be sad. but i will NOT just go back to being hopelessly adrift like i was the last 11 years.

this is probably not the end of this road. im getting CTS symptoms in my left hand too. it is likely this won't be my last surgery or the final struggle and i was under no illusions about that to begin with, but oh my god. just being on this new road is already so much better.