my current hot chocolate fixations

first i have to credit Poppy for letting me in on some Advanced Hot Chocolate Techniques. she said try buttermilk powder but i didn't have any but i did think butter would be good so i just rolled with that and IT WAS GOOD. then i realized i still had cool whip left that had not made it onto christmas pies. did you know cool whip makes an excellent coffee creamer in general? i guess that checks out.

second: if you're expecting exact measurements or techniques unlikely to be sacrilegious to the average Coffee Shop Experience/Equipment Haver (i am not one) you're in the wrong place lmao. these are vibes-based recipes

Decaf Coffee Hot Chocolate
(or you could just use caf. i've been using decaf bc it's an evening drink for me. also i use the pour-over method for my coffee fyi)

Ingredients
• decaf coffee. we'll make... an amount you would like to drink
• milk (a few tablespoons?)
• powdered creamer (some. idk. like a teaspoon? ish?)
• salt (a pinch. like 1-2 shakes.)
• butter (just some. a cup of coffee does not require a lot of butter. like half a slice of toast's worth of butter at most)
• cool whip (DELICIOUS EDIBLE SHAVING CREAM)
• chocolate syrup, obviously (like. a tablespoon or two? idk you can't measure that shit it sticks too the spoon so bad)
• a single drop of vanilla extract
• maybe some sugar if you got the ratio kinda weird

Directions
• while you wait for your water to boil, put the powdered creamer, salt, butter, and chocolate syrup at the bottom of the mug.
• pour-over time! leave some space for milk and cool whip and stirring.
• stir until the butter is melted
• add some milk and stir
• now have a sip. does it need sugar? perhaps more chocolate? do what you need to do. i'm not here to judge
• when it's to your taste, add a big scoop of cool whip to the top of the mug. i like it frozen best. i like a big iceberg of slowly melting cool whip in there

the other night i wanted to make this, but mom was already asleep, and i didn't want to make a coffee smell at 11 PM and have her wake up and think she had time traveled. so i just started making regular hot chocolate in a pot on the stove, and i was thinking... i bet if i put cinnamon or some other baking-adjacent spices in here it would be interesting. and then i had. an idea.

Decaf Vanilla Chai Hot Chocolate

Ingredients
• 1 bag of decaf vanilla chai (i like Stash's)
• milk, enough to fill the mug you intend to use
• salt (just a pinch)
• butter (the same amount as above)
• cool whip (YES AGAIN i like cool whip okay)
• chocolate syrup (again this is an unmeasurable substance. you're on your own here)
• a single drop of vanilla extract
• sugar will once again be the thing we lean on if we mess up here

Directions
• whisk together milk, salt, butter, chocolate syrup, and vanilla in a pot on the stove
• heat until it starts rising out of the pot and trying to boil over (why does milk do this. i keep meaning to look that up. apparently it is due to the fats)
• remove from heat, steep with tea bag for 1-3 minutes depending on how much chai power you want to give it
• give it a sip and see if it needs sugar
• now scoop your cool whip on top there

these don't quite come out as divine as Fancy Four To Seven Dollar Drinks i have occasionally experienced but they are rich and luxuriant and better than just plain powder or just following the directions on the hot chocolate bottle. ftr i'm using regular ol Hershey's chocolate syrup and it would probably be even better if i bought like, a higher quality syrup.