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doodlemancyyesterday i got up at 4:30 AM, stumbled into the shower, and went to the hospital for an endoscopic carpal tunnel release. everything went fucking great. i spent the rest of yesterday in a state of blissful stupidity with my hand propped up, watching movies and anime and longing for the nerve block to wear off so i could get back to typing. endoscopic method means i can do whatever movement i want as soon as i can tolerate it. i cant fuck it up. no hard brace, just a soft bandage.
i spent yesterday doing basically everything with my left hand and feeling like a genius. among my feats:
• opened pill bottles, including safety caps
• opened applesauce cups
• changed clothes a few times
• got myself a slice of cake
• put my hair up with a clip
• shower
• one handed application and removal of disposable Bathroom Gloves many times ooooooooogh i cant wait until normal handwashing
i had to sleep with my hand elevated. i cant fall sleep on my back usually bc it gives me nightmares, but thankfully via a combo of cat, Drug, and being very tired, i managed to drift off long enough to get some rest, reduce swelling, and wait out the numbness.
i can type (a little) and flipped an omelette this morning (VERY CAREFULLY).
here's my party decor and a POV of what i could see when i woke up today lol
heavy stuff in this next part:
this morning my mind went back to a day in 2015 where i came home from another dr's appointment that went nowhere, after it had already been secretly decided amongst clinic staff that my CTS pain was psychosomatic; i held it together on the bus home, got inside, sat down on my bed and just... screamed. and couldn't stop screaming. it was gonna be one pillow scream but one wasn't enough. i just kept screaming. i was so inconsolable and so out of my mind with grief that day that my mom thought she would have to call an ambulance. i think that was the day i really just broke. i haven't had hope since then. nor much luck. the doctors and clinics that followed all failed me, repeatedly, until last year. i was driven to suicidal ideation and marinated in severe depression, multiple times a year, by something extremely common that can be treated with a 15 minute outpatient surgery. i truly hope my previous doctors die of something painful and slow. they deserve the worst for what they put me and likely many other patients through; tbh crucifixion would be too kind.
i hurt today. but the post surgery pain, even before my morning dose of meds, is more tolerable than the pain ive been living with since 2014. did some crying into my cat this morning. it's strange to feel hope again and i don't trust it, not entirely. but i am hopeful.
AND ALREADY SO TIRED OF BATHROOM GLOVES, bandage removal day cant come fast enough lol
i spent yesterday doing basically everything with my left hand and feeling like a genius. among my feats:
• opened pill bottles, including safety caps
• opened applesauce cups
• changed clothes a few times
• got myself a slice of cake
• put my hair up with a clip
• shower
• one handed application and removal of disposable Bathroom Gloves many times ooooooooogh i cant wait until normal handwashing
i had to sleep with my hand elevated. i cant fall sleep on my back usually bc it gives me nightmares, but thankfully via a combo of cat, Drug, and being very tired, i managed to drift off long enough to get some rest, reduce swelling, and wait out the numbness.
i can type (a little) and flipped an omelette this morning (VERY CAREFULLY).
here's my party decor and a POV of what i could see when i woke up today lol
heavy stuff in this next part:
this morning my mind went back to a day in 2015 where i came home from another dr's appointment that went nowhere, after it had already been secretly decided amongst clinic staff that my CTS pain was psychosomatic; i held it together on the bus home, got inside, sat down on my bed and just... screamed. and couldn't stop screaming. it was gonna be one pillow scream but one wasn't enough. i just kept screaming. i was so inconsolable and so out of my mind with grief that day that my mom thought she would have to call an ambulance. i think that was the day i really just broke. i haven't had hope since then. nor much luck. the doctors and clinics that followed all failed me, repeatedly, until last year. i was driven to suicidal ideation and marinated in severe depression, multiple times a year, by something extremely common that can be treated with a 15 minute outpatient surgery. i truly hope my previous doctors die of something painful and slow. they deserve the worst for what they put me and likely many other patients through; tbh crucifixion would be too kind.
i hurt today. but the post surgery pain, even before my morning dose of meds, is more tolerable than the pain ive been living with since 2014. did some crying into my cat this morning. it's strange to feel hope again and i don't trust it, not entirely. but i am hopeful.
AND ALREADY SO TIRED OF BATHROOM GLOVES, bandage removal day cant come fast enough lol
